Huddle Helps You Survive The Holidays: 2020 Edition
The holiday season can pose many challenges. Add a global pandemic on top of that and… well… as comedian Dave Chappelle once said: “Modern problems require modern solutions.”
In the spirit of the first Maritime Holiday Survival Guide we did back in 2015, we thought we’d make an updated version to suit the year 2020.
No need to thank us. Just have a fun and SAFE holiday break!
Problem: Family gets on your last nerve.
Solution: Offer to do Tim’s run and “accidentally” get lost and cross into another province. There you go, you get a mandatory 14-day vacation from them all!
Problem: Your friend says their favourite holiday song is The Christmas Shoes.
Solution: Look, life is long. You can and will find other friends.
Problem: Two family members started getting into politics over the holiday video chat.
Solution: Hit mute and go pour yourself another drink of chicken bones liqueur.
Problem: You want to get into the holiday spirit but can’t stop listening to Taylor Swift’s evermore!
Solution: ‘tis the damn season is technically a Christmas song so lean into it.
Problem: Your mother wants to you “help” (ie. Do it for her) her with online shopping
Solution: Put on a Hallmark movie and she will be sucked in and rendered temporarily brain dead
Problem: Your cousin is giving his unique, never-before-heard take that Die Hard is a Christmas movie.
Solution: Say your favourite Christmas movie is Lethal Weapon, Carol, Iron Man 3, You’ve Got Mail, or any other movie that’s set at Christmas. You’re not special, Jeremy.
Problem: Your daughter wants to watch the same holiday movie again. You know, that one.
Solution: Turn it into Mommy’s/Daddy’s special drinking game.
Problem: Your Ex finds out you’re back in town and wants to meet and “catch up”:
Solution: “I’d love to but **throw up hands** pandemic!”
Problem: You zoned out watching The Grinch and ate half a tin of Quality Street chocolates.
Solution: Down the other half and repurpose the tin for gift wrapping. You’re not a glutton, you’re recycling.
Problem: Stuck at a dinner table with your/your friends’ xenophobic family members, and they’re beyond reason.
Solution: Consume as much of their food and drinks as you can. You deserve it.
Problem: Uh oh! You and your aunt brought the same baking treat to the family gathering!
Solution: Let her have this one and hide your treats under your bed for a midnight snack.
Problem: It’s -10, a blizzard, and there’s a blanket of snow smothering your car.
Solution: Invite Fred with the snowblower over and repeatedly mention your bad back while casting mournful glances at your driveway.
Problem: Your Aunt Janice keeps insisting the whole family go caroling after Christmas dinner.
Solution: Fake food poisoning so you can stay home snuggled on the couch slurping rum-and-eggnogs
Problem: You forgot to buy stocking stuffers and getting low on budget
Solution: Those $2 Dollarama socks are looking darn “cute” and practical!
Problem: You’re having a hard time hiding your disgust/laughter at anyone or anything.
Solution: Just put on your mask. You’re being safe! Dr. Jennifer Russell and Dr. Robert Strang would be proud!