Unmasking Impostor Syndrome
“Why did they even hire you?”
“You just got lucky, that’s the only reason why you’re here.”
“You really messed up big time, they definitely are going to can your ass now.”
These are some pretty harsh things to say to a colleague. These are pretty mean things to say to anyone in general. But the reality is, countless workers are being told this every day– and it’s coming from themselves.
Impostor syndrome is defined as a “a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist even in face of information that indicates that the opposite is true. It is experienced internally as chronic self-doubt, and feelings of intellectual fraudulence.”
Often felt heavily among high achieving women (though nobody is immune, unless you’re like, a total narcissist), over 70 per cent of people have experienced it at some point during their careers. In fact, according to Psychology Today, some people even considered a “rite of passage” when building your career.
That’s nice, but it doesn’t make someone experiencing it feel any better, especially if you’re a young person who’s still learning the ropes as you try to make a career, or build a business. Because this is when impostor syndrome can be at its worst, when your skills or ability are in question, or even slightly critiqued. This is unfortunate since getting feedback and critiques is an important part of life and work, especially when you’re just starting out. You’re not perfect and you never will be.
Though deep down you know this, if you’re like some people, you might find yourself living in constant fear waiting for your employer to come to the realization you aren’t quite as good as you presented yourself to be. One typo was a typo too many. One dud of an assignment really showed your true colours. When days are good you ride the highs, but you can’t help but feel you’ll never do a good enough job. Do you even know what you’re doing?
You definitely do.
Impostor syndrome is something New York Times Magazine associate editor Jazmine Hughes knows all too well. Not only has she written about it really well, she also experiences it herself. Of all the stories I’ve read and heard, she articulates the anxiety and the reality of it spot-on.
Being a 24-year-old editor at NYT could do that to you.
In an episode of the Longform podcast last November, Hughes described her struggles with Impostor Syndrome:
“I feel so undeserving all the time. Not even because of this job, but a lot of the opportunities I’ve been afforded . . .,” Hughes tells Longform host Max Linskey. “I don’t think I’ll ever get to the point where I totally believe in myself and think I deserve everything I have.”
You might think this is something that one can easily get over. It’s normal to be nervous at a new job right? She’s probably chilled out by now.
Nope.
Hughes was (and is) surrounded by successful people. She told Linskey everyone around her was effortlessly smart, brilliant and attractive, previously working for places like Harpers, Rolling Stone and the Village Voice. When you’re a 23-year-old coming in with a smaller resume, it’s understandable to wonder if someone screwed up.
“I felt so dumb. Not even stupid, I felt totally inept,” Hughes says. “Like everyone had made a poor choice in bringing me there, myself included.”
So there must be a cure for this right? Some therapy, a bottle of wine, and maybe a pat on the head from your boss? Sure, those things may help, perhaps even cure it for some. But as Hughes describes, it’s something that many people just need “to deal” with, and there are tips to help you do that.
“When I say in order to get over impostor syndrome you have to deal with it, I realize it takes time. Now that I’ve been at the Times for six months I can sort of say ‘I am dealing with it,’” she says during the podcast.
“When I was at the Times for two months, I was going to therapy for the first time . . . and I was crying in the bathroom a lot.”
Impostor syndrome seems common among young professionals in the process of “making it.” And it is. However even when you’ve got your ultimate grown-up job, the feelings can still be present. It’s something Hughes says many people she looks up to still deal with, they just don’t talk about it.
“You hope that one day when you’re the editor-in-chief of ‘Blah Blah Blah’ that you’ll wake up and be like, ‘Okay, I deserve my job.’ But so far I haven’t met anyone who has told me that they feel that way,” she says.
“But, I will say, I don’t talk to white men a lot.”
Like most issues that involve mental health, there’s stigma surrounding impostor syndrome. When having your dream job is your biggest problem, it can come across as extremely whiny. But finally opening up about it and talking to people has been something that has helped Hughes cope. She told Linskey that she has developed a support system of colleagues and friends she can go to when she’s feeling uncomfortable.
“But it’s sorta fucking embarrassing when you’re 23-years-old and your biggest problem is you have a job at the New York Times,” Hughes admits.
Though it’s sometimes embarrassing to talk about, Hughes still chooses too. Because, like mental health in general, the more we talk about it, the more understanding there is. People with impostor syndrome don’t want a pity party. They know deep down they are do deserve what they have, but like many mental conditions, it doesn’t go away without a fight and a lot of work.
“I’m great. I know I am. but there are just certain things that I cannot overcome,” Hughes says.
“And the reason why I write about them is because I know other people are feeling this way too.”